I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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