when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize