I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
