He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
