someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
