is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just had sex bonerless
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
