what day is it and did you see me today?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
