I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
