I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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