just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
