I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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