My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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