I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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