My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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