you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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