woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize