Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
