i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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