Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
