I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
