Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
