Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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