ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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