the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
