oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
