u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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