nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
