Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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