you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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