I'm jealous of your bromance
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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