PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
