I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
