sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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