if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
