I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
