so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
