I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to have your abortion
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
