tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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