My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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I can't turn off my feet"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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