We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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