somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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