Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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