bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
