Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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