paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
