So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I supernannyed him into submission
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
