Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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