so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I supernannyed him into submission
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
