She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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