Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
