can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
