Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sarcasm needs its own font
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
