does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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