Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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