Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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