only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
