Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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