no, he came in my armpit
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
