I bet he comes in French.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
