hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize