dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
