Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
